Noah

You Begin
by Margaret Atwood

You begin this way:
this is your hand,
this is your eye,
that is a fish, blue and flat
on the paper, almost
the shape of an eye.
This is your mouth, this is an O
or a moon, whichever
you like. This is yellow.

Outside the window
is the rain, green
because it is summer, and beyond that
the trees and then the world,
which is round and has only
the colors of these nine crayons.

This is the world, which is fuller
and more difficult to learn than I have said.
You are right to smudge it that way
with the red and then
the orange: the world burns.

Once you have learned these words
you will learn that there are more
words than you can ever learn.
The word hand floats above your hand
like a small cloud over a lake.
The word hand anchors
your hand to this table,
your hand is a warm stone
I hold between two words.

This is your hand, these are my hands, this is the world,
which is round but not flat and has more colors
than we can see.

It begins, it has an end,
this is what you will
come back to, this is your hand.

Find My Youtube Channel - " Panslass "

http://www.youtube.com/user/panslass

Sri Lanka Effect 3 - KandiVihara

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kz2uVKNL2d8

Simple Pleasures in Sri Lanka

Sri Lanka - Simply Stunning

Forever Autumn

"The winds give me
Enough fallen leaves
To make a fire"
- Ryokan

Remembering Rob

Safe Haven

Fish and chips alfresco... Mum, Morag, me....and a Sony Ericson mobile phone.

Forgetfulness - Billy Collins Animated Poetry

Remembering Dad

A devastating loss
As if only yesterday
Died, 4th April, 25 years ago




The Guesthouse
by Rumi

This being human is a guesthouse
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness
Some momentary awareness
Comes as an unexpected visitor
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows
Who violently sweep your house
Empty of its furniture
Still treat each guest honorably
He may be cleaning you out
For some new delight!
The dark thought, the shame, the malice
Meet them at the door laughing
And invite them in
Be grateful for whoever comes
Because each has been sent
As a guide from the beyond.

Celebrating Big Brother

Jim made this wee tribute for Alec from smatterings of memories

scattered across family albums.

Sending much love with our birthday wishes.

Slainte, Alec! Here's to the next sixty.

Quiet Memories

The Quiet Joys of Brotherhood - Sandy Denny

Because He Asked Me To........

“ On a branch ...” by Issa

On a branch
floating downriver
a cricket, singing.

Duets

Nice to think Pavarotti will be met with a wee heavenly Ardbeg and Mac's kareoke machine set to play The Pearl Fisher's Duet. - his personal favourite for shaving and romancing.

And I'm sure Rob won't mind tuning his saintly Setanta channel to the football in the moments between the Rugby World Cup and the golf.

The Great Voice might have to wait until after the celebrations of the Argentinian performance

Raindrops still falling - gently

Ludivico Einaudi plays them.

Daily Bread

Missing from my days

the bread he made

the wonderful alchemy

wrought from the secrets

stored in the big white tin

with golden script

kept under the shelf

with the dozen

extra large

hungry

dinner plates.

Still Dreaming

Why oh why can't I ?

Three Weddings

"........ Morning again, and pansies barely dry
are little battered flags of brilliance growing
in cracks between my paving stones.
Heartsease, you called them,
and for love of you
I touch their petals
with a gentle hand and pick
the weathered dead–heads carefully.............."

.... are we there yet? Not quite

Granny Morag's Missive

Esther Eleanor was born,by emergency Cesarean Section on Saturday 14 July 2007.She weighed in at 9lbs 12ozs. and was 55 cms.long.From the first indication of the imminent birth to the time the baby was born, Sarah and Keith had 50mins to the new Simpson, and for Sarah to have a general anaesthetic. Esther was born at 11.22pm. A beautiful baby sister for Ruth. Needless to say Rob was also chuffed to bits. He knew he was going to have a baby granddaughter, and as I have already told Ruth - that sisters are often alike,- he could imagine what this wee girl might be like. Esther is very like Ruth was when she was born,only a bigger version! Each morning, especially in the later stages of his illness, Rob would ask how his "bairns" were - Ruth and Esther, and I think he included Sarah in that as well !

So.. for those who managed to make Rob's funeral last Friday, you will know our worry was that Sarah might not have made it ! But Esther managed to bide her time until 11.22pm on Saturday. As co-incidence would have it Rob's died at 11.22pm the previous Sunday.

For my own part I am in a strange place, obviously delighted with the new addition to our family, especially now that Sarah is on the mend.But trying to adjust to life without Rob is heartbreaking.In spite of his tumour,Rob and I said we were lucky. We had a relationship which grew over 35 years. We still felt the same for each other as we did when we met and more. Marriage suited us. We had Sarah, Keith and Ruth. With the exception of his golf, we did everything together.His illness brought us even closer. We spent 24 hours, 7 days a week together. It will be hard to live without him. Needless to say, he will always be part of me and my life.

I would like to thank everyone for the e-mails throughout Rob's illness. Although not able to cope with visitors, he loved to read the messages, to hear how people were faring.
I also want to thank everyone who was able to make Friday's service at the Cemetery. To Moira and Keith for the poems,to Margaret for singing, to Pat Robertson for the service,to the violinist, to everyone who has sent flowers, cards, letters of condolence and to everyone who contributed to the collections for the Marie Curie and Maggie's Centres.I don't have a final total yet because people are still sending in their donations but we are over £2000 mark by now. Many many thanks. Rob would be pleased.

I cannot thank people enough.
To all the staff at the Western Dept. of Clinical Neurology who have dealt with us since 2001. To all the friends who ferried Rob back and forward to his Radiotherapy in 2001.To all the staff and volunteers at Maggie's in Edinburgh who have supported us and helped us with the stress of living with a terminal disease and try to turn it into something positive. To the staff and volunteers at the Marie Curie Hospice at Fairmilehead who cared for Rob both in the Community Wing and in the Hospice itself.To Sheila and Nadine, our District Nurses who excelled at arranging and providing Rob's home care right up to the very end and to Ina,Trish, Doreen and Christine who provided Rob's personal care when I could no longer cope alone. And to the Nisbet and Dickson families who provided lots of love and practical support when it was needed and who stood back when Rob and I needed to be alone.
There are lots, lots more to be thanked and I hope I get round everyone.

Rob and I don't have a belief in an after life, we believe that your spirit continues in the memories that other people have of you, so if you have a minute now and again, just have your own small memory of Rob and of how he came into your life.


Lots of Love
Morag

New Life

Esther joined this life,

born to Sarah

by emergency c-section

late on Saturday night,

six days to the moment

after Papa Rob died

Oliver, to Liz-Anne,

then Aedan to Fiona,

tumbled in too

in the last couple of weeks.

Three little stars to sparkle
in these darkest of nights.

Love to all.

.

To a Dear and Loving Husband .......

by Anne Bradstreet (ca.1612-72)










If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were loved by wife, then thee.
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye women, if you can.

I prize thy love more than whole mines of gold
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompense.

Thy love is such I can no way repay.
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persevere
That when we live no more, we may live ever.

Rob's Farewell

Rob's funeral will take place
at Prestonpans Cemetery
at 11 am, Friday 13th July.
All friends are welcome.

A collection will be made
for the Marie Curie
and the Maggie's Centre
cancer care services.

.....a time to weep, and a time to laugh

" Sorry to hear that Dan has died.
He was such a nice man.
Let's hope the rest of us
make it to our Golden Years....... "

These words of condolence
were written to me
when Dan died.

Many cards would come
with comforting expressions
of sympathy
that blunted
the serrated edges
of grief.

This, sadly,
lingers like shrapnel
in the wound.

A year and a half on
the thought of surviving
alone, forever without him
makes the idea
of prospecting for gold
unspeakably bleak.
This, I think, is true
for most widows.

Morag's loss
is the more poignant
for the
exceptional companionship
she shared with Rob.
Their coupledom,
their closeness
was complete

Sometimes all we can do
for a grieving person
is to be present in the moment.
Help us remember good things.
It isn't necessary to say
anything profound
or do anything earthshaking.

Tell us your memories,
especially the ones
that make us laugh.
and if you have time
listen to us tell you ours.

Staying near, always
with love
for Morag
and Sarah.

Sad News

From Morag

" This is the e-mail I knew

I would have to send out at sometime

and always dreaded, always wondering

how I could word the information.

I never really came to any decision

as to what I would write.

The words seem so difficult

when you see them in print.

Rob passed away at 11.22pm

on Sunday, 8th July 2007.

He died at home, as was his wish,

with Sarah and me at his bedside.

He had had a very difficult day.

He had been struggling

with his breathing since about 7.30am,

finally drifting into unconsciousness

around 7 o'clock in the evening.

No matter how much you prepare yourself,

or however much time you are given,

the final result is just heartbreaking.

I cannot start to express

how much I will miss him

and I'm sure there are a lot of people out there

who will have very similar thoughts.

Unfortunately, Rob's other wish,

to see his new grandchild,

has not been fulfilled, but he was aware that

we will all now be able to put our energies

into supporting Sarah, Keith and Ruth

with their new baby

The next news e-mail

will be in celebration of a new life.

Information about Rob's funeral

will be in Wednesday's Scotsman

and Edinburgh Evening News (11.7.07).

Sarah, Keith and I will be happy

to see all friends and relatives who can make it.

There will be a closing collection for

the Maggie's Cancer Support Centre

and Marie Curie Cancer Care.

These organisations are invaluable

to anyone going through the journey

that Rob and I have made.

We would have been lost without them,

and similarly,

the district nurses in our local practise

Thanks for your e-mails and your support.

Think about Rob often, if you can.

love,

Morag "

from Morag

" Hi ,

I've received quite a few e-mails and phone messages
asking how Rob is faring at the moment so I thought
I'd put fingers to keyboard and send out one of my up-dates.

This is a difficult one.

I've just left Rob for the night in the Marie Curie Hospice.
He's been there since Thursday 21st June,
when he asked to go in for respite care.
Rob had been deteriorating pretty rapidly
since the previous Thursday
when he had a fall with a seizure.
We called the district nurse
and a care programme was put into action.
We had carers in the mornings
and evenings to help with personal care
and we had Marie Curie nurses
in at night to care for Rob
and to give me a chance to get some rest.
On Wednesday 20th June,
Rob lost the power in both legs
and was unable to take any of his body weight.
He was also becoming confused
about what time of day it was (sundowners syndrome).
I could no longer cope on my own with him.
This came as a huge blow to both of us,
but not unexpected.
Care at the Marie Curie,
as with all of Rob's other care up until now
has been excellent and although he has continued to deteriorate,
we have plans in place to have him back home on Tuesday.
Hospital bed, electric hoist, etc have been delivered.
Carers and nurses booked.
Rob is not naive. He knows we are reaching
the final stages of this journey
and he wants to be home at the end
and he wants to see his new grandchild.
I believe he will do both.
Those who have had contact with Rob recently
will know that he has developed a liberated sense of humour -
in the mode of Chic Murray, almost.
His comment to one nurse when she told him
that he didn't exactly have a small bum was
" Oh yes I have. She's at home and her name's Morag!!"-
I know he loves me !!
Keep your fingers crossed, say your prayers,
throw salt over your shoulder- whatever it takes -
but send us your vibes so that Rob achieves his wish
and sees this new baby.
Sarah and I need your support.

Lots of Love,
Morag "

Link to http://www.brainhospice.com/

Reprise

What more can we say as the cafe in the sky opens again for business? Thanks.

Mozart in the Marie Curie

- Concerto per arpa e flauto, K.299 - Andantino
A little respite request for Rob

Daniel's Day 20th June.

Dear Daniel,

Have a wonderful,

funfilled BIRTHDAY,

and a special thank-you
to the best.........
(among other things)
cocktail barman,
photographer, hospitality giver,
aquarium companion ,
dolphin spotter,
and cartoon consequences champion

EVER.

Thank you for giving up your room
for sharing your wisdom on spiders, leeches and possums,
for making me feel so welcome -
not to mention, letting me help organise the Killara Knights'
Tournament and Joust.
Here's a "card" for you
until the snail mail one arrives !!!
Amazing design from a few clever folds
and a dot or two of glue

A Thought for these Grim Days

" To see the world in a grain of sand
and Heaven in a wild flower,
hold Infinity in your hand
and Eternity in an hour "

William Blake

the rain and Joni Mitchell

Morag's Postcard from the Pans

Hi to everyone out there!
Thought it was time to let everyone know that Rob and I
are still plodding along,
still trying to cope with our situation. It's not easy
I didn't get a health update put out for Rob in May, so I thought
I'd get an early summer one put out in June instead.
Rob had his 55th.birthday on the 27 April.
It was a year since we were told about the recurrence of his tumour.
At that time they said that if it was possible to operate again, and after chemotherapy, although we wouldn't have a long retirement together, but we would have some quality time.
Unfortunately by July, a much bleaker picture emerged,
no operation was possible and the tumour did not respond to the chemo.
We really didn't expect Rob to see much into 2007.
In October '06 another glimmer of light flickered when he was operated on after all.
Prof. Whittle at the Western decided that he could try the op, hopefully extending Rob's time, relieve the seizures and the paralysis on his left side.
We felt this was a lifeline. We were quietly confident.
Unfortunately though, the seizures didn't go away, and Rob's left side weakness has returned with a vengance. This is what we call the yo-yo effect on our lives. We've had the highs and the lows but we never quite make it back to the starting platform!! The yo-yo is slowing down, our ups aren't as high as they were before.
May wasn't a good month on the whole. Rob's condition has continued to deteriorate.
On his last visit to the D.C.N. at the Western in April it was decided to refer Rob to the Marie Curie Hospice at Fairmilehead for continued palliative care. He has been attending the Day Centre there on Wednesdays since the beginning of May. This has been an excellent resource for us. Between the staff there and our own District Nurse, Shelagh, we have managed to equip Rob with a walking stick (for good days), a mobiliser (or zimmer, for not so good days) and a wheelchair for the days he just can't take his weight on his legs.
We've had various rails, grips and a shower seat fitted in the house.
Rob calls these his new toys, and certainly his mobiliser technique needs to be worked on.
Rob is extremely tired a lot of the time, but even taking sleeps of an hour and a half at a time doesn't relieve his exhaustion.
By the end of April he had started taking Complex Partial seizures ( a type of absence seizure) and in may his Focal seizures (shaking) returned. These always leave Rob emotionally drained. Luckily throughout this horrible illness, he hasn't had to experience pain though his steroids and anti-convulsant intake has increased vastly.
The Marie Cure Volunteer Staff have provided Rob with regular shoulder and foot massages.
He loves these. He believes that the foot massage helps his balance, so I've been following this up at home...but I think he prefers their more experienced skills !!
We still attend Maggies Centre at the Western when we can, for relaxation classes. I still find the Friends and Family Group there on a Tuesday a great source of support.
And so we plod on, together, Rob and I. Some days we have humour but some days it's just plain hard !
Our solace is Sarah.
Sarah continues to keep well. With only seven weeks to go
she's got her bag packed already and conversation often centres round babies names.
Ruth's preference at the moment is Rupert and Genevieve
- but I don't think her parents are convinced !!
At present Ruth seems to showing an interest in physical activity - swimming, tennis, dancing classes as well as trampolining at Granny Eleanor's.
No doubt her Dad will get her onto a golf course at some time in the future.
She's a real joy to us - a girl with an mind of her own.
I hope this post finds everyone well.
If you feel like it, drop us a wee line.
Rob loves to hear how things are going for everyone.
Brian -how is the new grandson faring and how are the holidays going ?
Ian, have you managed to get Fiona to stop using the smoke alarm as an oven timer yet?
Ann - how many races have you run this year or are you taking things easier ?
Steven - how are your girls coping with their wee brother ?
Beth and Alison - thinking about you doing the EPSSA athletics - hope the weather
stays good.
Meadowbank &Telford PE Staff hope you are all well.
Longniddry Golfers- hope the course is in good nick and your handicaps are down
and Margaret Q - good luck for the Moonwalk - and everyone else who may be attempting it !
If I haven't mentioned you it's not because we haven't thought about you
- just too many to mention.
Good health and take care
regards
from Morag,
& from Rob x

Holding Up Half the Sky

One day an elephant saw a hummingbird lying on its back
with its tiny feet up in the air.
"What are you doing?" asked the elephant.
The hummingbird replied, "I heard that the sky might fall today,
and so I am ready to help hold it up, should it fall.
"The elephant laughed cruelly.
"Do you really think," he said, "that those tiny feet
could help hold up the sky?
"The hummingbird kept his feet up in the air,
intent on his purpose, as he replied,
"Not alone. But each must do what he can.
And this is what I can do."

- Chinese Folk Tale

Cure-All. If Only !

Jim's prescription. Get well, brother

There's one thing I ask now when stars light the skies ........

An echo through the mist from Kate Rusby

LifeGoesAdrift

Mac never had much sense of direction. The magnetic pull of virgin territory on his internal compass was irresistible to him. The seeds of many an intrepid adventure were sown in his famous words " I know a short cut we can take ". Wherever the intended destination we were bound to explore the odd cul-de-sac or unmetalled road before finally establishing a route that he had magically deduced from directing the hour hand on his watch at the sun. A cloud covered sky simply added an extra dimension of time and unpredictability to our travels. Yet, his infallible homing instinct always returned us to familiar landmarks with eye-twinkling, freewheeling ease.

Now my own compass is rusted finding home is hard. Points are missing and the magnet pulls only to the West, to where the heart lies. Adrift in the doldrums, navigating blind,

the creatures are uncannily quiet. They wait in anxious anticipation for the rustle of wind in the sails, for the echo of a sea shanty from fog shrouded vessels coasting nearby, for that elusive rainbow, for the glide of dove's wings and the call " Land ahoy ! "

But the taste of salt tears still stings on the lips and dries the voice to a whisper. Is that the glimmer from a lighthouse, though ? Blink, just. yes, through the mist, just a blink. Maybe , just, blink bluebells, blink violas, blink lillies, blink-blue irises............ Blink -blink clematis.....Blink-blink.

And blossom petals drift, in pink confetti flurries tracing upward spirals in the warm, still air.

for Rob on his birthday

The whole song, just for you.

for Rob, Simply The Best

Morag's alterego performs just for Rob.
The rest of us can only stand back in awe and admiration

Harry Belafonte

Miracles do happen..........